Sick & Ready

I'm sick of fat pants.

I'm sick of having to buy maternity pants when I'm not pregnant.

I'm sick of eating the same amount of food as my 6 foot, 300 lb husband does.

I'm sick of staying at home because none of my clothes fit.

I'm sick of trying to go shopping and not finding anything that fits.

I'm sick of hiding my body from my husband cause I'm too ashamed of how I look.

I'm sick of celebrating with food, mourning with food, stress eating and binge eating.

I'm sick of looking at beautiful woman and wishing I had their figure.

I'm sick of stretchy clothes, I want to wear fitted pants and dresses.

I'm sick of being so big that light exercise is a huge chore

I'm sick of my spare tire. Make that 2 spare tires

I'm sick of being embarrassed to wear a bathing suit

I'm sick of being an unhealthy cow!

I'm sick of being me.

I'm ready to follow a diet

I'm ready to set goals for myself

I'm ready to portion control

I'm ready to say NO to food when I need to

I'm ready to jump on that scale every Sunday

I'm ready to eat more fruits and veggies

I'm ready to start exercising again

I'm ready to feel sexy again, alive and vibrant

I'm ready to wear a bathing suit and not have any bulge showing

I'm ready to wear sleeveless shirts

I'm ready to show off my soon to be awesome figure

I'm ready to get that spark back in my marriage

I'm ready to keep this weight off for life

I'm ready to inspire others in their weight loss journey

I'm ready to be the person God created me to be

~Kelleigh



Success

Excuses, Excuses!

Gotta love excuses! They get you out of ANYTHING. I've been finding that I give excuses to myself more than I give them to anyone else. I think that's the case with everyone out there. We tell ourselves why we cannot do things all the time. Here are my top excuses:

"Today has been a rough day. I'll just start tomorrow."

"Oops. I don't have time to make my lunch, I'll just eat out."

"I'm doing so good! One little bite won't hurt!"

"Ugh.. I don't want to be the only fat chick at the gym.. I'm not going."

"The kitchen is a mess. Can you say "takeout?!""

"I've worked hard enough all day.. It's time to relax!"

"I've already failed.. This day is shot. I'll try again tomorrow."

"Just a little chocolate will make me feel better!"

I could go on and on and on. It is so hard to break the habit of making excuses. I caught myself off guard one day when in the midst of making an excuse. I was thinking, "Ooo, I've dropped 5 lbs. I can reward myself with a treat!" All of the sudden, my lovely voice of reasoning screamed at me, "Noooo! You may have dropped 5lbs, but you are still obese! No treat!"

This instance got me thinking about all of the excuses I make, and how I really have to break this terrible habit. When making excuses previously, the little saying, "A moment on your lips, forever on your hips" use to work. Not so much anymore.

I do believe this is where prayer and self-control come in. I can pray and I know God will help me, but I also firmly believe in doing your share. I can pray all day long that God will give me self-control, and I know He will, but it is up to me to use it. God knows I rarely use the self-control He's given me.

Once upon a time, I talked to my counselor about self-control. She gave me some wonderful insight. She said that if you're not in the habit of using self-control, trying to tackle everything at once will lead you to become overwhelmed, and you will usually fail. However, if we take small steps at utilizing self-control, you'll more than likely succeed.

For instance, I'm obsessed with Diet Coke. I have the habit of drinking it like it's water, and I know I need to cut this out. So, if I make my mind up to drop one soda each day for a week, and utilize self-control over this small area, the next week it'll be easier to drop two sodas per day, and so on.

I'm attempting to apply this concept in a couple different areas of my life. So far, it's been hit and miss. Some days are better than others. I know that it'll come as I continue to work on it with God's help.

*~Courtney~*

Diva Diet Day 4

Day 4 of diet.

I haven't really been craving anything... yet.... Sometimes I get a little hungry right before bed, but that's nothing I can't handle. I'm really enjoying some of the pre-packaged weight watchers food, such as their Smart Ones TV Dinners. However, I'm not a fan of low quality meat, so I only get the vegetarian meals, with the exception of their stone fire crust pepperoni pizza. It's SO good. I usually take the ready made meals to work for an easy lunch.

Tomorrow my boss is buying everyone Chick Fila chicken biscuits for breakfast, So I'll have to budget for that. According to WW, one chicken biscuit is 12 points. That's 1/3 of my points for the day, but so worth it!

Still can't figure out what to splurge on this weekend. My friend Brittnee was talking about making Zuppa Tuscona soup and MAN that would be a great splurge, however it might not really be a splurge... According to the wonderful world wide web, a bowl of zuppa tuscona from Olive Garden has only 3 points per bowl. If this is truly the case, I might just eat their every night! A good splurge might be their chicken parm, it's 25 points, which is a ton, however I get 49 bonus points to use whenever I want during the week.

Looking forward to this weekend!

Peace outtie -

~Kelleigh~

Current Inspiration for Losing Weight

1. Roller Coasters

Because of the harnessing or weight limits on most rides, I have been unable to ride roller coasters for the past few years. Riding roller coasters is my absolute favorite thing to do. It pains me to go to Silver Dollar City or the county fair and watch my friends or family ride the roller coasters without me. I miss the thrill and excitement that they bring. I also miss the feeling in your gut when you're about to drop down a hill. I want to experience it next summer.

2. Shopping
When you're overweight, you're limited to stores like Lane Bryant. When I go to the mall with my girlfriends, I can only browse the accessories section. In the meantime, I fell like everyone is thinking, "Why is this cow in here? Nothing fits her!" I don't want to have to feel or shop that way. I want to go into a skinny girl's store and find amazing deals on cute clothes. I want to shop with ease.

 

3. The Man
I don't care who you are, every woman wants someone to find her utterly desirable. When I find "The One", I want him to think that I'm incredibly sexy! I want to be the best I can be for him (whoever that lucky man may be!)

 

4. Babies!
Once I've got the man and settled down, eventually I would like to be a mother. Because my weight is mostly the reason I have PCOS (besides the actual cysts themselves), at this time, I cannot have a child. Also, I wouldn't want to put my child's life in danger because I'm unhealthy. So, if/when I ever have children, I want to be an active mother. I also want to be a good influence on them as far as health, exercise, and nutrition are concerned.

5. Overall Health
I will be able to move about without hurting my back or losing my breath. I will be able to do more for a longer period of time, as I will have more energy. My PCOS will get better. My foot would probably start to heal when there's not so much weight on it. I will be able to sleep better. My diabetes and high blood pressure will be gone.

6. I Can Serve God Better
Obesity is a sin as God never intended us to live this way. He designed us to be healthy, and as stated in the Bible, our body is His temple. When you're living in sin, you can't serve God effectively. Also, I won't have physical and emotional limitations as I do now because of my weight.

7. Live Longer
We all know that added weight can shorten your life. I only have one shot at this life on earth, I don't need to shorten it.

8. Self-Esteem
This one is huge for me, As I've stated before, most moments in my day are thoughts about my weight and how people view me. Also I think about all the things I want to do but can't because of my weight. Once I lose weight, I know my self-esteem will improve immensely. One that improves, I will gain the confidence that I need to accomplish everything I've ever wanted to do.

9. Chairs
It is absolutely exhausting having to consider your weight in everything you do, especially the little things. Before I sit in a chair I've never been in, I pray that it doesn't capsize underneath me. Of course, it never has, but I don't want to have to think about it. Also, I'm so fortunate that I haven't been kicked off an airplane yet because of their chairs. Grant it, I don't fly much, but when I have, it's been a struggle. First of all, it's hard to get a big butt in those tiny seats. Secondly, I've literally had to rub elbows and knees with the person next to me because I can't sit properly. Finally, the seat belts are an issue. Sad to say, unless I'm on a plush airplane, I don't fit in their seat belts. Because having to ask for a seat belt extension is absolutely humiliating, I've developed a way to ride a plane without having to buckle. The answer? A jacket. Draping a jacket across your lap or putting it over your shoulders so that the stewardess doesn't boot you off the plane or give you an extension is completely ingenious, but extremely unnecessary. I want to ride with ease and comfort.

10. WOW!
Have you ever imagined yourself walking in a room and everyone turning their heads? Have you ever wanted people to say that you look fabulous or amazing? I have. Even though I'll probably never turn heads, I do want to leave people with a lasting impression of me. I also want people to say, "You look AMAZING!" Some may call that conceded, but I don't think it is. We all want to look our best and be our best, and we want people to recognize that. I don't want people to view me differently because of my size and I don't want people to remember me as "the big woman." I want people to know me as a woman who takes pride in how she looks and treats people with absolute kindness and hospitality. I want to leave a "WOW" impression on everyone I meet. I also want to wow my family and friends, as they have seen my struggles over the years.

This list has taken me time and a lot of thought for me to complete. Sure, there are many other inspirations, but the ones I've listed are huge for me. I had to write this down so that I could remember in the hard times why I'm doing what I'm doing. Also, I wanted to encourage anyone who needs an inspiration for accomplishing a particular goal, whatever it may be.

Sometimes we lose sight of the things we desire because of a few negatives, but if we are mindful of all of the positives, we are more likely to push towards our goal. If you have a goal in mind, I highly encourage you to write down your inspirations for completing this goal. Also, I would place this list in a place you can see every day so that you have the daily reminder of what you want to do or become. Who knows, it may not only inspire you, but it may inspire your loved ones as well.

*~Courtney~*

DOOMS DAY.. I mean... DIET DAY 3

Day 3 and so far so good. I don't really feel that I've lost any weight but we shall see! Sunday will be here before I know it, and that's weigh in day! I've gotten a lot of positive feedback when I tell people I'm on weight watchers, which is great. I'm feeling good about the program and about my long term weight loss! I'm praying to see at least a five lb loss by Sunday. That's my goal. I know as the weeks go on my weight loss will be less and less, but I'm hoping for some big numbers to jump start the rest!

: )

I've found lots of amazing recipes online with very few points, so hopefully after this week, I'll be able to get creative during dinner time. One thing I'm not sure of is what to spend my weekly points on. Should I do a big juicy steak, or maybe hoop it up with Mexican food? It's a fun treat to look forward to during the week. I know one thing is for sure, I'm saving at least 7 or 8 points so I can have a Grande Cinnamon Dulce Latte from Starbucks when I meet up with Twinkles aka Courtney on Sunday.

I was super jazzed when I found out that turkey bacon is only 1 point per slice! AND... you can have THREE eggwhites for only ONE point! This is awesome. This was also my dinner last night. I had six delicious slices of turkey bacon and 4 egg whites along with 2 pieces of low cal toast with a yogurt based butter replacement spread.

It was delish!

In fact, I just might do that again for dinner tonight.

If anyone reads this, I hope you have an excellent night!

Cheers!

~Kelleigh~

Recipe!

This looked too great not to share!

Cheesy Chicken Shells

11 points per serving

Ingredient :

12 shell(s) uncooked jumbo shells   
1 1/2 cup(s) canned tomato sauce   
2 large egg white(s), lightly beaten   
1 3/4 cup(s) part-skim ricotta cheese
4 oz roasted skinless boneless chicken breast, diced   
3/4 cup(s) chopped frozen spinach, thawed and drained of excess water   
1 tsp garlic powder   
1 Tbsp ground oregano, or other Italian seasoning   
3/4 cup(s) (shredded) part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded   
1/3 cup(s) grated Parmesan cheese   

• Preheat oven to 350ºF.
• Cook manicotti shells in boiling water according to the package directions. Drain and rinse with cold water to prevent them from cooking further. Set aside.
• Coat a 9 x 13-inch pan with cooking spray. Spread 1/2 cup of sauce evenly over bottom of pan and set aside.
• For filling, in a large bowl, stir together egg whites, ricotta cheese, chicken, spinach, garlic powder and seasoning. Stir in 1/4 cup each of mozzarella cheese and Parmesan cheese.
• To assemble, spoon cheese mixture into manicotti shells and place filled shells in a single layer in baking dish. Spread remaining sauce on top. Sprinkle with remaining cheeses and bake about 30 minutes. Yields 3 shells per serving.

Kelleigh's Story!

About me:

I grew up in the beautiful and quirky town of Eureka Springs, AR. I attended Public school through 6th grade, and then a private Christian school through 12th grade. For the most part I really enjoyed my stint in private school. I met a lot of great people, including my blog mate, Courtney. During high-school, I did struggle with my weight, but not anywhere near as much as I do now. I did manage to lose aroundt 35-40 lbs before I graduated, and I looked pretty darn good! In fact, if I could go back in time, I would pound it into my brain to maintain that weight loss, but time travel isn't available ... yet ( Yes I'm still hopeful) and I didn't maintain it....so we'll have to stick with the here and now (for now).

So, I graduated and went off into the real world, made new friends, moved around a few times and fell in love more than once. Got a few piercings, a couple tattoos and gained weight. I met the love of my life in 2008. by then I had managed to look good enough to catch his eye - so we started dating, and we got married the following year. I have since put on a LOT of weight, and It feels as if I've lost that sexy vibe that I once use to feel. I want to get this weight off so I can be proud again and flirtatious with my husband. : ) I will get that romantic spark back!

As of now, I've got about 90 lbs to drop and it's not going to be easy, but with the help of one of my best friends, and the support of my Hubby , I am confident that we can lose this weight and keep it off for good! I am excited to try Weight Watchers! This is day 2 for me, and so far so good!

Good bye Fat Pants! Hello Sexilicious me!

: )

Love, Kelleigh

OH, and here are my before pics!

Courtney's Story

Growing Up:

I grew up in the best home imaginable. Sure, our family had problems, as all do, but my parents did an amazing job at raising their family. My parents married right out of high school and started their family. They had two girls and one boy (Caroline, Christopher, and myself.) Through we've lived in other states, we primarily grew up in Arkansas (Go Razorbacks!)

When puberty struck at age 10, I started feeling awkward and ugly. I was made fun of a lot this year because of vicious rumors started amongst some of my lovely (sarcasm) classmates. Luckily the next year, my parents decided to put us in a private school (Whew!). No one knew me, and my initial awkwardness of puberty had subsided. I was one of the unpopular ones still, but I had great friends (including Kelleigh!) to make up for it.

After this school year, we were home schooled until I was in 10th grade. We then returned to private school. A lot happened this year: I lost my best friend due to catty girl problems (Ladies, don't judge- you know you've been there too), we changed schools, and I dealt with my first ever broken heart. I gained weight bringing me to a whopping 215 lbs. Depression set in this year. When I graduated in 2003, I weighed 225 lbs.

College:

I started college in the spring of 2004. The college I attended was only 45 minutes from home, but I was so homesick! I loved school my first semester. My second semester was so tough, and I thought about quitting and returning home as I was so depressed. Instead, I saw a counselor. I met with her for months, faced my issues, and started taking happy pills (WOOHOO! Go Lexapro!)
During this time, I also started attending a religious study group with some friends. I still struggled with my depression, but things seemed to be getting better. For the next year, I went to church with the religious study group. However, during the summer prior to my 4th semester at college, depression read its ugly head due to so many different factors. During a summer, I gained 50 lbs and I started smoking.

That fall, some things happened at the church I was attending that pushed me further in my despair. I hated life and school and I blamed God. I wanted to get away from it all, and I withdrew from school.
I returned home with the hopes that things would be so much more amazing than the life I was leading in college. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Depression followed me there (Who knew that running from your problems doesn't solve them?!) I worked at McDonald's, was in debt, and was dealing with a broken heart yet again.

2006- Present:

I thought I finally had caught a break. I stared working a wonderful company doing something I loved doing. I also met a man who I thought was the man of my dreams, and in 2007, we were married. Within the first 3 months of marriage, my husband was deployed. I was also very sick and found out that I had PCOS, amongst some other health issues. It was a pretty rough time, and it only got harder as time passed. I found out that my husband hadn't been faithful. Also, he returned home early from Iraq with severe PTSD, and became extremely abusive. This time was the hardest of my life. I felt like I was suppose to be a good wife and stay "for better or worse," but I felt so defeated. Needless to say, I fell deeper into depression and gained more weight, bringing me to my all time high of 330 lbs.

In 2010, things started to change. My husband was being discharged from the service, which meant a move and hopefully a new life. Shortly after he was discharged, I finally realized that things were never going to change with him (the cheating, lying, and abuse), and we decided to end our marriage. It was one of the most challenging things I had to go through, but looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Since then, I've been working on finding myself again, and becoming who I want to become. I don't know exactly what I want out of life, but I do know that I want to be healthy. I don't want to settle for a mediocre existence, but I want to live a glorious adventure. I know that being healthy will get me to where I want to be, and I'm so excited to start this journey with one of my best friends by my side!

*~Courtney~*

Before Pictures: